The safe and threat qualities

What are the safe and threat qualities that I have been mentioning occasionally in the blog? In this post, I will briefly explain their definitions.

The safe quality of a person or object is a quality that does not pose a threat to the person's identity. It does not corrupt his identity nor induces fear in him. For example a cute teddy bear.

The threat qualities of a person or object is a quality that poses a significant threat to the person's identity and even his survival. It occasionally poses threats and induces fear to the person. An example is a wild monkey.

A person may feel more comfortable with a cute teddy bear than with a wild monkey who has an incompatible personality to his. Therefore he would prefer the company of his teddy bear to the wild monkey at any time.

This is why children who face fears, would absorb themselves in their doll or bear hugs, and would sleep with them as they provide comfort away from their threats and fears of objects or people.

Sometimes a person would feel that a person is handsome and attractive without consciously knowing the reasons for the instinctual attraction. One of the reasons is due to the presence of safe qualities detected by the person's subconscious mind.

The person's subconscious is saying that the attractive person has observable safe and compatible personalities, therefore less likely to pose a threat to his survival, and would not corrupt his identity, therefore would bring forth happiness, therefore a good candidate as a companion for him to like.

The person would deem him to be attractive, charming, easy-going, pleasant etc because he does not pose a significant threat but enholds a sense of security. The same reason why females are attracted to rich but unattractive guys. The rich guys have the quality of finances to alleviate their insecurity(lack of finances) that sometimes would pose a threat(fear) to their survival.

This is similar to what young people, such as the boy who experiences crushes in school, are also going through as well. He could fantasize about the safe and compatible qualities of his crush all day long to fill in his other unwanted thoughts of unsecurity.

A kid would hug a bear to sleep, as the safe and compatible qualities of the bear would fill in his thoughts of fears or uncertainties in his mind that keeps him worried and awake.

The ever crucial self-preservation need to replace and distract away the subconscious feelings of insecurities in the mind of a person, has been the motivation factor for human desire and obsessions, such as being attracted to beautiful people. Along with habits like smoking to relieve "stress", drinking, gaming, sports, shopping, eating, sex, and masturbation etc

They say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I would also like to add that Beauty in things or in people, is also defined by how much safe and compatible qualities are present in them.

Why there is promiscuity among people

We know of people who have broken off with their boy or girl friends, and getting to find other new partners. Also of divorced people finding new marriage partners quickly. Friends who break off friendships and finding new friends.

Why do people move on from one person to the other so conveniently? How do they move on so quickly?

This is because of the new found sense of security in the new found person.

We break off our relationships with people we find to be unsuitable for us and we move on and find new companions.

Sometimes the speed and ease of the transition from people to people makes a person seems "unfaithful" and "heartless", whether it is sexual relations or friendships.

The bottom line of the reason why people practise this "promiscuity" is because they are seeking a sense of security in people when they seek out their friends or sexual partners. They want to find that ideal someone who pose the least threats to their identity. Which is why when a person discovers that another person is incompatible in character, he would break off the relationship and find someone else to be his companion.

We are all very familiar with the movie or real-life scenario where a guy breaks off with his partner and then the next following week the partner sees the ex-boyfriend with someone new walking down the street. And then the partner feels depressed at how the ex-boyfriend could move on so quickly and forget about his old relationship so quickly as if it meant nothing to him at all. And the partner broods about the "cold heartlessness" scene and just cannot get over it.

It is the same underlying reason whether it is for friendships, marriage or for people seeking sexual partners. People seek people who are "safe" to them, who poses the least "threat" to their character, who are most compatible in behaviour.

But when they discover the incompatiblity in a person, their self-preservation mechanism in their mind would sabotage the relationship and end it. And then they would move on quickly to find the next ideal person asap. As what my previous posts have mentioned, the reason is because of the never-ending need for a person to seek something or someone that can alleviate the insecurities(threats) in their lives.

The person can choose to have a boyfriend if he feels that a guy can fulfill his own insecurities, or a girlfriend if she can fulfill his insecurities, or even both genders. Bisexuals do not discriminate or be biased by the threat qualities between the genders as much as gays or straights do, which is why they can accomodate both genders.

The person would not be very concerned about his old relationship, whether how long it had lasted or the countless memories associated with it. All he wants is to find the ideal person to alleviate the insecurities(threats) in his mind.

But for the other person who was "dumped", he would not feel the same way, he would think that his ideal person is still his ex, and he is unwilling to let go and find someone new. Just as a dog owner unwilling to get a new dog, or unwilling to get over a person's death.

The problems comes down to using people to distract oneself from one's insecurities(threats) or boredom. Stop treating people as tools to alleviate one's insecurities(threats) and many of the problems would solve itself.

Homosexuality is a very serious psychological problem

The time in this blog has been moving backwards and now it is reversing.

In 1973, Dr Robert Spitzer convinced the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to remove the classification of homosexuality as a "mental illness".

I would say that Dr Spitzer did not do his research well, his study was flawed and now out-dated. He only knows Psychology and Medicine, he doesn't know Cognitive Science which covers much more areas of the psyche.

My work has specified that Homosexuality is a very serious psychological problem instead of a "mental illness", because it is a symptom of the dealing with threats, with fear. Homosexuals choose using sex from its original function of procreation to as a far-fetched "solution" to deal with their fear of their threats. It is a symptom of a very serious psychological problem.

Homosexuals cannot simply change out of this problem. The problem has to be resolved, not changed out of.

Wanting homosexuals to switch orientations is a drastic thought, it is similar to making a person change from using his right hand to his left. He has to learn to live his life all over again. No one has this right to demand anyone to do something like this.

Yes, some homosexuals can stop being homosexuals because their fears that caused them to use sex is mild, their fears can be resolved easily. But if the fears that cause homosexuals to use sex to deal with them is very deep, it is very difficult to change. It depends on individuals' circumstances.

As long as one is too caught up with running away from his fears, he will never be able to realise what he is running away from, and what it is all about. If he does not realise this, how will he be able to see the options, the choices and the changes possible? He must first realise how homosexuality is caused by his fears and what homosexuality is all about.

Then he can slowly change or choose the way he is affected by his fears, if he wants to.

Let us firstly talk about helping homosexuals deal with their threats that make them seek sex as a comfort, and then we'll talk about the other issues later.

Firstly, the APA must list homosexuality as a very serious psychological problem.

Nothing wrong in liking guys

I like guys too. There is nothing wrong in feeling for close buddies and loving them too, love as in my definition of love. I like guys because they are fun to be with, they are also playful, naughty, enjoyable, intelligent, warm, funny and nice. I actually prefer the company of guy buddies to girl friends.

I don't have to censor the things I say and do as much with guys than with girls. Infact I feel more of myself because of our greater similarity and understanding of one another.

The difference between guy friends and homosexuals is that guy friends don't play with each other's bodies to the extent as homosexuals do.

Guys may play physically with one another when they are young, fool around and be a total clown at times.

Actually I see both straight and gay forms of physical play as defined as physical play itself, whichever body parts are involved. Its just that gays play in more extreme forms.

It is not really male to male sex that makes me feel uncomfortable, but it is the unawareness of gays of the reason that led them to choose such extreme forms of body play.

Referring to my previous posts, I mentioned of using neural sensations to get oneself comfort. Also of the reasons why people feel horny and why they have sex. The reasons are all the same, it is using physical comfort to get one to a safe zone away from all the unpleasant thoughts.

Straight guys play physically with one another to relax themselves and have fun, gays play physically with one another using sex to relax themselves to have fun as well.

It is not the notion of sex that makes me uncomfortable with the idea, I am just uncomfortable and worried of gays being too extreme in using sex to find a safe zone to relax themselves from their threats. Many people who have sex are often unconscious of the underlying reasons of why they have the need to have sex in the first place. Many times they are really desperate to get away from the threats. I am quite worried of the level of mental oversight in such people who would do almost anything to seek comfort. And the dangers involved in unprotected sex really puts a damper to the people involved.

I just hope that people who are seeking "sanctuary" from threats would actually understand the cause of why they do it. And that they can find other more effective and efficient ways of seeking "solace" instead of using sex as an ineffective temporary escape. If they cannot realise the reason why they do things, then it is difficult to solve the threat problem.

I just hope that they can see, and also realise there are many, many ways to relax the mind besides the familiar one.