People who become gays because of gays

Some readers have felt that I have left some topics out due to their own personal experiences.

One of the questions asked is, what about the guys who were "physically disturbed" by other guys when they were younger and then later turned gay?

As told to me, a person who was "physically disturbed" when he was younger would feel traumatised by the experience. Then later on, he would develop a mild kind of phobia whenever he gets into "close contact" with other guys because of a barrier already set up by the mind to fend against people in close contact situations that would remind him of his bad experience.

He might distant himself from doing close-contact physical sports that places him in high vulnerability, which makes him develop an isolation from people. He might even get biased and develop a kind of hatred for guys that reminds him of his own bad memories because of this grouping in his mind.

And a while after this, he might develop an intense liking for guys and lead him to think that he is gay.

The question is, why did the guy initially develop a phobia for guys and yet after a short while, also develop an intense liking for guys while still feeling affected by the trauma in his mind which is also caused by the same gender?

The reason I can think of that supports this "paradox" is because the guy is subconsciously using a source of great interest to try to block out and overcome the bad memories in his mind. There was this part in his inner mind where he felt private and open with himself, until this area in his mind was seriously disturbed by the person who gave him the bad experience.

So this private, safe area in his mind was "intruded" by a frightening "stranger". This area in his mind is where all his bad memories come from that often reminds him of his trauma.

But the mind habitually uses a source of great interest to distract other unwanted memories. This is a form of self-preservation of the mind. The guy comes across a source of great interests in the form of other guys that he meets. The great interests in these guys eventually led him to choose them as a form of distraction to overcome the traumatic experiences in his mind.

But the problem is that the bad memories are too strongly etched in his mind and seems to stay on. Therefore he subconsciously tries to heighten the level of interest from the guys that he likes, in order to compete and overthrow the other unwanted memories.

This intense conflict and fight between this two sides is what causing the paradox and frustrating mood-swings encountered.

I would say that this method of using a source of great interest to block and suppressed bad memories in the mind will not eventually work. There is no point running away from a fire that started burning up in the mind, the only way to remove the fire is to extinguish it. Because people are so afraid of terrifying things in life, they simply run away without putting them out. So the fire will remain burning and spread itself, until one day, the person has no where else to run and would have to face what he is initially running and hiding away from.

The first step to putting out such fires is to stop feeling so afraid of them but stop and face them. I don't know when a person would stop running from the fires in his mind. It might take a long time but I can give assurance that once a person stops running and turn and face his fears, by then, it would show that his courage is already standing unaffected against the fire, and it is definite that in no time, the fire will surely cease to burn very soon. And the person would have truly demonstrated to himself that he has overcome.